Cheque In, Cheque Out!

Yahoo! It's that time of the month again. Yup, all the hard work for the month before finally pays off. You get your pay cheque. Ahh, glorious, really. It's about time too, as the funds are trickling to a standstill.

Alas, the pay cheque in your hands do not count for money until it is banked in. And what a hassle THAT is, especially when it's not a "local cheque", I believe that's the correct term for it. So, it takes 2-3 BUSINESS days to clear, that means, it won't get done on a Saturday, and it DEFINITELY won't get done on a Sunday.

So you wait. And wait..... While your ever depleting wallet feels lighter and lighter and almost non-existent, except for maybe a few flies waiting to come out, like how they so poetically put it in the comic strips. And finally, your bank account has some figures in it.

Ahh..... the sight of digits have never been so fascinating! The zeros are finally in FRONT of the decimal point instead of behind it. Nice! So what do you do? Well, there's that nagging bill that's way past it's due date, credit card bill, phone bill, internet bill, satellite TV bill, electricity bill, water bill, hornbill..... Oh wait, I didn't purchase any pets lately. There you have it, BILLS! Ugh! Which is why you should NEVER call your kids "Bill", there are too many of those already!

But there's always hope after the bills, for it is now time to indulge in things that you could not bear looking at in the last days of the month prior to the pay cheque. A Greatest Hits CD you've been wanting to purchase, a pair of boot-cut jeans, a nice top to go with it, all-you-can-eat buffets and by the time you're done with all that, you've realised that it's not even the middle of the month yet!

That's when you start holding back again, counting every penny for every single thing and before you know it, you're back to the same position you were at last month. And you wonder why there's not enough funds. And so, the cycle begins again, as you wait for the day when another pay cheque arrives. Sigh, it's all Bill's fault, I tell ya!

You drive me crazy!

Driving in Penang, or being driven in Penang, can either be an interesting experience or a harrowing one. Those who live or have been here can attest to that. For as long as I've been driving, which is about 5 years, lots of things can happen on the road here.

I consider myself a "safe" driver, having not had any major accidents happening when I drive, although at times I feel like my licence should be revoked for a week or two. I am a calm driver and I'm not quick to panic behind the wheel, although, sometimes, you just want to wring the other driver's neck for cutting in when they shouldn't and driving at 15km/h when the limit is 80km/h.

Ever wonder why things seem to go wrong when you're in a hurry? Let's say you're 15 minutes away from being late for work and you try to rush but then there's the guy hogging both lanes and going at 20km/h while talking on the handphone in front of you. Ugh, pure frustration! Sometimes, it's just the traffic lights that just won't help. Red... red... yellow going on red... red and the 'turtle' in front of you manages to squeeze through leaving you facing the RED light.

Somehow, when you're early, circumstances seem to go FOR you to make you reach your destination even EARLIER than expected. People are behaving themselves on the road, some even making way for you to overtake them, lights stay green for as long as you can remember. Ironic, isn't it?

I remember just a couple of days ago, on my way home, driving in the night drizzle, being on the main road AND having the right of way, when I spotted a lady turning out from a junction as though not to have noticed me. Just to be safe, I honked her to let her know I was there but she still squeezed in front of me. Oh well, let it be then, right? Wrong! At the traffic lights just yards away from all this, I was stuck behind this lady when lo and behold, she stared right into her rear view mirror and gesturing in the most 'poetic' way she could to display her displeasure at my honking. Amazing, really. If only I understood sign language, then maybe I could interpret it better. And you'd think that once the light turned green and we drove along that she would stop gesturing, right? Wrong again! She kept gesturing and looking intently into the rear view mirror until finally I overtook her without so much as a glance.

What did I do, you wonder? I was surprised that I wasn't offended as I laughed my way home. Like I said, I don't know sign language. But that's how it is, sometimes, being on the road in Penang. As much as you want to be courteous on the road, you have to play mean in order to be able to get to your destination as safe as possible. But I don't think I'd want to learn the art of sign language JUST yet.

Wedding, anyone?

Wedding dinners should NEVER be attended alone. The intimidation of not knowing anybody around you will really get to you. Especially when it comes to Chinese eight (8) course dinners. Pray that the people who will eventually grace your table are decent, otherwise, "fuhgetaboudit!". Being around people who have no sense of the meaning of "double dipping" will make you lose your appetite in an instant. You just want to get the food onto your plate as soon as the food arrives and not touch the dish until new ones arrive. Such is the atrocity of dining with strangers.

Apparently, the forks and spoons provided with the dishes were mere ornaments in these people's eyes. One on each side of the dish to provide a sort of balance, some "je ne sais quoi" idea. As bad as always being the first person to scoop the dish may look on you, try to think of when you spot someone who's just stuffed his chopsticks into his mouth and THEN go for another piece on the plate, muddling around with the gravy, dropping the food and then picking it up again. Yuck!

But, queasiness aside, there were more things to come for this particular wedding dinner that I went to. An old neighbourhood friend's wedding dinner. Not surprisingly, Malaysians are at their best when it comes to making grand entries, that is, coming at the latest time possible. The invitation given to me was printed as "7.00pm SHARP", but the dinner didn't start till 8pm. I arrived fashionably EARLY, just before the bride and groom arrived. And you'd think, by printing the time in bold with the capital letters would help you know WHEN to arrive, the tables were hardly filled by 7pm, still half empty at 7.30pm. I wonder if the Daylight Savings Time put them off a bit. Oh wait, Malaysians aren't even affected by DST! Funny how the people that DID come in late, came in looking like they were early. Ignorance is bliss, I guess.

Let me save the best for last, or should I say the worst. The Master of Ceremony. He spoke in Mandarin throughout the dinner and as accommodating as it may seem to the Chinese educated friends and relatives there, the bride and groom does not even speak/read a word of Chinese at all! He sang karaoke songs with so much flair and pizzazz, you'd have thought he was auditioning for Karaoke Idol. Thankfully, the karaoke machine was opened to the people who attended the wedding, unfortunately, "Seasons In The Sun" was just not the type of song you would sing at a wedding dinner. 'Goodbye to you, it's hard to die' ?!?! Wow, what message was the relative sending, I wonder!

Oh well, it ended with the usual shaking of hands with the bride and groom as we walked out into the dark night. However, the emcee was still singing when we left, without so much as a care to the visitors who just ignored his presence. And still with so much flair. Kudos to him, but I won't be hiring him for ANY occasions for that matter.