Life..... What about it?

I'm finished! That's it! I think I'm done!

I feel like this battle just can't be won.

I'm not giving up and I'm not giving in,

But I fail to see the point in it again.

I wish I could figure out and understand,

What it is that has been planned.

It hurts, but most of all, it frustrates,

I want to know, but not knowing is all I face.

How I hate to see the world in this way,

Its splendour and wonders turned dull and grey,

Its blessings and riches have gone astray,

Leaving me with nothing much else to say.

I've liked what I've had but I keep wanting more,

I wish to look and feel things I've never felt before.

Call me an ingrate, or maybe even a fool,

I can't help but feel that life's just too cruel.

Sometimes it feels like the world is against me,

Covering my eyes and making me not see.

Waiting for the moment when I will slip and fall,

And help is nowhere to be found at all.

I feel quite alone in this battle with life,

Don't know where I'm heading and I don't know why.

Is it worth all this trouble? Do people actually care?

Will they push me aside? Do they want me there?

I'm drowning, I'm slipping, to the pit down below,

I've tried to reach out, but there's nothing to hold.

I'm tired of feeling like this over again,

I want it to stop, I just want it to end.

I'm tired, exhausted, just lay me to rest,

I've done all I could, I gave all my best,

But it doesn't feel right, I still can't comprehend,

To those that do, will you help me understand?

I'm currently in a no-man's land mood at the moment, at least, it kinda feels like it. I'm not questioning life in itself, but I'm questioning the purpose of my existence. I don't think it's humility when you can't really see yourself as "important", in the 'scheme of things'.

Ever had a thought running through your mind, going, "Nah! I'm not that important." or "I don't think I'm needed/wanted."? Then you'll know the mindset of where this is going. I sat down today (at my office, nonetheless) and vented out my frustrations in the most "normal" way I could. No, I didn't whack my computer to bits. No, I didn't bite anyone's head off. (Get it? Bits and Bytes? Nevermind.....) No, I didn't scream at the top of my lungs, "What's going on?" (although, that's a song right there!)

What did I do? I wrote. Yup, I sat down and wrote. In my journal, wrote a poem (which you've read, I presume), and this blog here. Writing is quite an essential tool for me. Take my language, you might as well take my life. Although, when you feel so dissatisfied about certain things in life, you kinda wished it was over sooner, but I'm not that far ahead.

Speaking of life, what am I here for? Definitely not to be disgruntled, I hope. It's always good to have a reality check once in a while. I'm doing that a lot lately. Maybe because I've been put to the test quite a bit as well. Life is hard, honestly. Whoever said life is easy is probably ignorant. But you can make life a little easier by not making it any harder than it already is. If you understood that sentence, good.

Life is all about choices, really. Either you choose to be happy with the things that you have, however big or small it is, or choose to be sad with the things that you WISH you had. Oh, I'm not saying that I don't wish for things! I wish for loads of things that I don't or can't have. But I have to keep reminding myself time and again that if you're not happy with the little things, when bigger things come along, you won't be happy with that either.

So, let me leave you with a few personal quotes I've made up. Hope it'll make you stop and think about life once in a while.

If life is but a dream, you haven't woken up yet.

Life is like chocolate; sometimes it's sweet, other times it's bitter.